are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
