if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
