all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
me + whiskey = a bad person
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
im on a boat
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