A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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