I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
