Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
