Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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