google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
