I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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