Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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