Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
