I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
