So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
