plz talk dirty to me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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