I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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