this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
