i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
