Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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