You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
