Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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