How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
