Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
