dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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