Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
