No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
