i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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