we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
