I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His hands were made for my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
