This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
being pregnant is like rehab
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
