I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
