those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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