he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
