i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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