we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
