You're completely useless in the revolution.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
