The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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