there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
