Already got asked if we're dating
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
