i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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