ugly people sure do ruin things
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
