I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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