He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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