The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
