I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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