We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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