TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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