I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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