Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You dont lie about slip and slides
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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