I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
