I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
