Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
