So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
