You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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