just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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