you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
