If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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