I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
