Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
