i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
don't judge my taste in strippers
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
